The Art of Compliments

By shear randomness I recently stumbled upon a website with a person’s artwork on it that evoked legitimate emotion in me and truly helped me see the world through the artist’s eyes. It was an experience like little other I have felt when reading a story, watching a movie, or, least of all, viewing a work of art.

I came to the realization that we often take things like art for granted. The heart warming feeling we got when Jim finally proposed to Pam, the sadness we felt when Wilbur’s best friend and savior Charlotte died, or the laughter we derive from almost anything Bill Murray does. These are all forms of art, but the application of these sorts of feelings is hardly ever given to drawings, paintings, or photographs (maybe more to photographs than the others).

In retrospect, I have viewed many paintings in my life and thought “that’s nice,” but what I failed to realize is that the artist has painted or composed an entire story inside the canvas that tells a story just as a book, movie, or television series does and I guarantee as much blood, sweat, and tears went into that piece as well.

This brings me to today’s subject: Compliments, when and why to give them.

Just as I have been complimented by people on things I have written or photos I have taken, I felt compelled to give compliment to this artist, but why?
Disclaimer: These are my own reasons, there is no science to this.

Why? When something surprises me, inspires me, or if I appreciate the amount of work that has gone into something, I give a compliment. Compliments, in turn, inspire and encourage others to not only continue their great work, but they give them the confidence to reach higher and achieve more than either of you thought possible.

Example: I recently purchased a new laptop/messenger bag that is what I would consider quite expensive, but once I received it I was set aback by the amazing care in the packaging of the product, the quality of the leather, and the just meticulous craftsmanship and time that had been put into this bag. I felt compelled to write the man who hand crafted this particular satchel and let him know how much I appreciated his hard work, even though I could have just as easily brushed his drudgery aside by justifying, like many, with the thought “well, it better be good for the price I paid!”
When? I try to send the compliment as soon as it comes into my mind. When I was in college I read a book called “A Gentleman Pens A Note” where the author advises to pen a note when it is fresh on your mind. I believe he says that “a short or hastily prepared note is much better than none at all,” and he’s exactly right.
How? I’m not like most men, I have stationary. Not personalized of course, but just a nice set of envelopes and paper.

When possible, I encourage you to actually WRITE the note and MAIL it. Recently I was rummaging through my parents drawers where I found a drawer full of many of the written Thank You and Compliment letters my father received in his 31 years as a police officer. These letters are sentimental, people value your opinion, whether believe it or not. So I implore you, write it.

I have indescribably terrible handwriting yet I continue to physically write notes. Writing takes time, it conveys how much you actually appreciated whatever you’re complimenting on. Your hands fold the paper, you stuff it in an envelope, saliva is added, it passes through human hands many times and then, eventually, it ends up in the hands of the receiver, who opens it, unfolds what your hands have folded, and reads word for word the lines that you painstakingly inscribed. Just thinking of the entire process from start to finish almost makes it seems magical. Also, I recommend this LAMY Fountain Pen, it’s cheap, has an extra fine nib, and writes oh so smooth.

I am lucky in that I have had the addresses for most people I’ve sent compliments to. If you have to do a little investigating, that’s ok. I wouldn’t find it creepy at all if I received a compliment letter from a stranger, even though it is against the proper rules of etiquette to write a stranger, on personal matters, without proper introduction. Letters of introduction are another subject entirely.

What if you don’t know their address and can’t write a letter? Then get the compliment to them any way you can. Remember, any note is better than none at all.
Adam’s Rules of Compliments

Be Specific – “You look fantastic in that dress!”

Back It Up - “You look fantastic in that dress, it really brings out the blue in your eyes!”

Be Involved - “You look fantastic in that dress, it really brings out the blue in your eyes! Where did you get it?

Be Sincere - Don’t compliment just to compliment, mean it.

Keep It Clean - Don’t make comments that you know are impolite or offensive, you know what I mean.

Now go out there, be somebody, and praise those who impact you.

As always, your comments are greatly appreciated and you should feel free to add anything you like below.